


You Ruined Me

by EGreen96



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Mitchell Loves Callum "Halfway" Highway, Break Up, Broken, Fluff, Forgiveness, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Moving On, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EGreen96/pseuds/EGreen96
Summary: Callum breaks up with Ben- full of angst and heartbreak.***
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's hope something like this doesn't happen to our boys!
> 
> some swearing - none of the characters are my own. This is a fanfiction/fan-made.  
> ****

Callum was sitting in the café, nursing a cup of cold coffee. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining through the blinds, people rushing to their jobs, nothing was out of the ordinary. The way Callum was feeling however, was. Over the past few weeks, the continuous support he had given Ben, the constant appointment’s he had made for him, all the efforts he had gone to just weren’t enough and it was starting to play on Callum’s mind. Maybe he just wasn’t good enough for him, maybe that was why he couldn’t help the man he loved.

“Callum?” Kathy stood over him, evident stains on her apron, she worked hard. “Are you okay? Just you’ve been sitting here for quite some time and you haven’t touched your coffee.” He nodded and smiled, pushing his cup away not really catching what she had said, he was constantly in his own mind these days, figuring out other ways he could help, thinking if he was being too much, if he was smothering, “look, if you need someone to talk to I’m always here, yeah? I know Ben has closed off and I’m sure it’s really difficult to watch someone you love go through this, but I wouldn’t want anyone else watching over my son. You do so well behind him and,” Kathy sighed wiping away a stain on the table that had been left by his coffee mug, “I know Ben is my son and I love him dearly, but I wish he would pull his head out his backside and realise how many people care about him. Always been a lone wolf that one and if he’s not careful, he will lose...” Kathy shook her head not wanting to finish the sentence she started. She patted Callum on the shoulder slightly and walked off with a half smile that was so obviously laced with concern. She was also struggling and she must have known or at least suspected what Callum was thinking about.

Callum stood up and left not even glancing to Kathy on his way out. He was back working at Cokers since giving up with the police force, once again for Ben. In his usual attire, a black suit, though his tie was a bit squiffy and his hair a mess. You could tell he hadn’t really been sleeping. Ignoring everyone’s passing comments asking if he was okay, he went into the funeral parlour only to be greeted by Stuart and Rainie on top of the desk, her legs wrapped around his older brothers middle. He was actually lucky enough to have walked in then and not moments after. Stuart and Rainie practically pushed each other off, Rainie almost sliding across the desk. Stuart went to talk but Callum shook his head and wiped his face, “Save it, seriously just save it. I’m taking the rest of the day off, please don’t do that over the desk, we will lose customers.” Callum was blunt and ignoring his brothers apology as he pulled his tie off and put it in a drawer, the constant, ‘Bruv? Are you okay? You don’t look so good.’

“I’m going E20. You have the flat to yourself tonight.” Callum walked out. He was acting like Ben. He laughed to himself bitterly, self-destruction was in full course. He was fed up of not being enough, he was fed up of feeling like the failure, and he was fed up of being the fucking punching bag for every single person he knew. Ever since being kidnapped he hadn’t even had a chance to process what had happened because Ben needed him, people needed him but when Callum needed someone, no one was there, or that’s how he felt. Rocking up to E20 Callum stood at the bar and watched as Ruby came over to serve him.

“Do you really think this is a good idea?” She was only concerned about his welfare.

“Let’s see, seven double vodkas and then ask me again in half hour.” Callum splayed money on the side of the bar as Ruby sighed pouring his drinks. When self-destruction is in full swing, what can you do to help? Taking back each vodka one after the other he sighed and ordered the same again. All the times he’d tried to drown his sorrows and he couldn’t do it because he constantly felt sick, this time was different. This time it was welcoming, this time it was relief, something he had control over for once, until he didn’t.

A couple hours had passed and Callum was slouched over the bar, vodka turned into Sambuca and then Whiskey and he was very much worse for wear. Mixing drinks was never going to be a good idea. Ruby took out her phone and messaged Lola who then messaged Ben.

When Callum had asked for another drink Ruby had refused to sell him anything else, she even told him Ben was on his way, he shrugged it off and headed for the Albert, there was only so much Ruby could do for him, she couldn’t keep hold of him against his will, she had to let him go.

***

“Where is he?!” Ben slapped his hand on the bar, he was panicked, ringing in his ears, everything muffled, but everything so loud in his head, although he couldn’t hear, he could feel vibrations all through his body, in his ears, his head. It was a constant nagging that he couldn’t stop and it was enough to send anyone insane. “Ruby! Where is Callum?”

Ruby looked to Ben making sure he could read her lips as she spoke clearly, “I couldn’t stop him, he went to the Albert, I stopped serving him. He’s really...” Ben ran out not caring what else Ruby has to say, he had to find Callum. As he ran into the Albert, it was even louder than E20 if that was at all possible, the vibrations like static in his ears, and it was painful. Shaking his head trying to put it to the back of his mind he walked through the crowd trying to spot the taller man.

“Tina? Callum. Have you seen him?” Tina nodded, making sure to speak clearly,

“Yeah. He is in here somewhere, I refused to serve him, but other people have been buying his drinks. I can’t stop that unfortunately.” She looked sympathetic towards Ben as he bit his lip trying to keep his emotions at bay, he had done the same to Callum. He deserved to feel the way he did. Spotting his black suit blazer on the back of a chair he ran towards it and looked around before he saw him. He was fucked, completely and utterly fucked and the sight broke Ben on the spot, his heart actually broke. Callum wasn’t with anyone as Ben had first thought, and he should have known that, Callum was always the better boyfriend. Instead he was alone, crying into a drink, he couldn’t hear him and he was sure that no one else could either but the look of his boyfriend breaking like that, he could tell how painful each breath was and he had caused that. He had caused this downfall. He had done what he said he wasn’t going to do, he had broken Callum.

“Callum...” Ben approached the older man slowly as he looked up from his drink, there was nothing behind his eyes, even in this dark with the strobe lighting, Ben couldn’t see what Callum was thinking, he usually saw such a bright light behind his eyes, happiness, but this was the opposite of that. Callum stood up, grabbing his suit blazer as he stumbled out of the club, his own ears were ringing now from how loud the music was, the rain pelting down. “Callum please...” Ben ran out after him and Callum turned round.

“Well this brings back memories.” Callum spoke slowly, not so Ben could read his lips but because he was so drunk his words were so slurred. Ben looked at him confused, he understood what he was saying but he didn’t know the significance, “the last time we were here, you said my world was warm and soft and everything in it is good.” The penny dropped and Ben understood every word, his stomach in knots, “you said you were not going to ruin me and you were not going to watch me get ruined. You’ve done both of those things, Ben and I can’t do whatever this is anymore.” Callum kept his feelings at bay just like Ben had just before Christmas, “we’re done.” Callum turned around on his feet and stumbled off slowly.

“Callum, PLEASE. I love you!” Ben shouted as loud as he possibly could, so loud he almost thought he heard it himself, but he knew he had said it way too late.

Still facing away from Ben, Callum closed his eyes, knowing full well he wouldn’t hear him and that was the whole point, “I love you too, Ben. I always will.” He continued stumbling away as Ben fell to his knees a wretched pain in his chest, worse than being shot, worse than not being able to hear. He had just lost the love of his life, but not just that. He had ruined him.


	2. You Ruined Me Part 2 (Happy Ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be two endings, this is the happy one!
> 
> Lexi helps get Callum and Ben back together.
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***  
> There will be two different endings, so you choose what one you prefer. This is the happy ending :)
> 
> No characters are my own- this is a fanfiction/fan made.  
> ***

Callum hadn’t left the flat for several days, even with Stuart constantly trying to persuade him to go out, even if just to the shop to get some milk. He missed Ben, he really missed him and it was ripping him apart, more so than the shit he had been dealing with over the last few weeks. He sat back on the sofa, his head resting against the back of it. Maybe even part of him missed it, at least they were together, and maybe he was a comfort to Ben. Maybe he was helping in some way. Maybe was all he needed.

Callum got up off the sofa in a slight moment of mania, still looking worse for wear in a pair of old grey joggers and a plain white t-shirt, his hair was limp and not covered in his usual hair gel, you could tell he’d let himself go a little, rummaging through his drawers he looked for his grey hoodie that was nowhere to be seen, he was planning on going for a run to get some fresh air before the familiar bell of the flat phone went off. His heart sunk, Stuart was working and of course had a key, Rainie was elsewhere, he wasn’t expecting anyone, yet there was this slight hoping, slight pull on his heart that is was his person, the person he ended it with. He sighed and took a deep breath before answering the phone.

“Callum, let me in right this minute!” A very stroppy seven year old shouted down the phone. He smiled hearing Lola in the background telling her to stop being so cheeky.

“Come on up then, madam.” He buzzed them in and ran around the flat picking up dirty laundry, plates, tissue, wrappers, whatever rubbish he had left around the place before they came in.

“I’m sorry about that, Callum. This little diva would not let me take her home before coming to see you. If it’s okay, I’m going to go to the shops and get a few bits. Could she stay here with you, just for 10 minutes?” Lola looked persuading, pursing her lips slightly and giving him eyes.

“Oh go on then.” Callum smiled and nodded letting Lola run out of the flat child free.

Lexi sat on the sofa nibbling on a packet of crisps swinging her legs around, “What are you doing here, Callum? My dad is doing the same thing. Dragging himself around the house like a zombie. He’s refusing to see anyone. Even me and mum have moved in with Billie now because he keeps snapping at people.”

Callum rested his hands on the counter top in the kitchen, “that’s just your dad all over.” Callum looked down to the sink and closed his eyes, he probably shouldn’t be talking to a seven year old the way he was, but Lexi was way above her years. She was the smartest child he had ever met, “your dad just pushes everyone away till there’s no one left and then blames everyone else for the mess he’s made, but” Callum sighed and turned around looking at Lexi “he is wonderful, he is brave, he loves you so much and oh god I miss him.”

Lexi smiled brightly at Callum and put down her bag of crisps gripping his hand and pulling him out of the flat, “Lexi! I have no shoes on!” She shrugged and pulled him along, her blonde locks bouncing against her shoulders and down her back, “what about your mum! She will wonder where we’ve got to!” Lexi stopped and looked back at Callum whose grey joggers were now wet at the cuffs and shrugged.

“She’s gone home. We planned this.” Callum opened his mouth and made an ahh sound finally realising.

“You two are a nightmare I swear!” Lexi grinned ear to ear and carried on walking towards the Beales house where Ben had taken up residency again, annoying the hell out of everyone else that was living there with his constant moping. Opening the door Ian came flying out,

“Oh thank fuck you’re here, please go and sort out that bloody man!” Ian slammed keys into Callum’s hand and stormed off not even acknowledging that Lexi was there with her arms crossed over her chest tutting at the bad word he had said. As if on key, Lola turned up ‘out of the blue’ ready to take Lexi home,

“Thank you for looking after her, and I’m sorry about all of this, she gestured towards the house, whatever happens. I just want to thank you for being in our lives, I think everyone needs a Callum, even you.” Lola smiled sympathetically once more and walked off with her daughter, leaving him alone with a closed door in front of him. He could just turn away now, run back to the flat, but his feet were freezing, his joggers soaked and he did care about Ben, feelings like that don’t just switch off, not for him anyway.

Opening the door it was silent, nothing was out of place, there were no dirty dishes or laundry over the floor, but realisation hit as Kathy lived here too, she would never let the house get that bad, not how Callum’s flat was looking right now anyway. Opening the kitchen door he saw Ben, facing away from the door watching nothing on television, it was on but the volume was off, it wasn’t as though he could hear it, Ben was extremely stubborn and it was something that he had to try and let go of if he was ever going to work through this.

Callum took a few steps into the room, no one else was home, it was still and silent, just a faint sound of a clock ticking. That’s when he noticed it, the hoodie he had been rummaging around for, Ben had it. Wrapped all around him, swamping him in what could only be known as comfort. It tugged on Callum’s heartstrings. He didn’t know what to do, he could run up to him, frighten the living daylights out of him, but hug him so tight. He could walk up slowly, he could wait for Ben to turn round, but whatever he did, it didn’t change the fact that Callum had just been thrown back and forth like a pin ball, it hadn’t changed the fact that Callum was also suffering from his ordeal, it hadn't changed the fact that he felt as though his feelings had been dismissed, people just always assumed he was fine, it didn’t change the fact that Callum felt unloved. Once again he found himself stuck in thought, wondering how this was going to play out, was this just going to hurt again? He didn’t want anymore pain. He had enough stored in his heart that would last for months.

Plucking up courage he walked up to Ben slowly and placed his hand on his shoulder, he was tense and he could feel it, even by that small touch, “Whoever it is, I don’t want to talk. Fuck off.” Callum squeezed Bens arm and he stopped, he knew that hand, he knew that squeeze, he knew that person. “Callum?” Ben turned round, his facial hair had grown, not much but it had, he was wearing his glasses as he obviously couldn’t be bothered to put contacts in, he almost looked as bad as he did, but Callum thought he looked beautiful.

“Hey, you. I was wondering where that hoodie had got to.” Callum half smiled and sat on the sofa facing ben, about to talk when he stopped him.

Ben shook his head, “I have been a shit boyfriend, no... more than shit, I’ve been the worst. I’ve disregarded all your feelings and smothered you in mine. I’ve let you into my life and you’ve had to adjust, you’ve kept my secrets, you look after and love my daughter, you love me for all the shit I’ve done, everything I’ve put you through. You are still here and I haven’t appreciated that. Callum... Callum I am so sorry.” Ben broke down and bit on his lip “I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling, you being there alone with Keanu, you haven’t even talked to anyone about it, I haven’t even thought twice about it and I’m so sorry, I can’t apologise enough because it’s all just words and you have every right to hate me right now.”

Callum was there like he always had been, right by Ben's side pulling him into his chest. “I am so sorry, Callum. I need help with this, I do. You’re right. I need to learn how to sign. I need to be there for you, just like you are for me. I need to be better. You make me want to be better. I don’t deserve you Callum, and I never will. You are way too good for me, I hope in time you can forgive me for everything I’ve put you through. From now on we are going to be there for each other, this isn’t one sided anymore. I love you, I really love you and I want to prove it to you, if you will let me?”

Callum kissed the side of Ben’s temple, just above the arm of his glasses. Stroking the side of his chin so Ben would look at him, “together. We get through it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***  
> Thank you for reading, please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed, I love seeing what you have to say ^__^
> 
> ***

**Author's Note:**

> ****
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave comments and Kudos if you enjoyed it :)
> 
> ****


End file.
